the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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