So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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