I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize