I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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