Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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