the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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