mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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