I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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