I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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