Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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