She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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