Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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