Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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