If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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