did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize