I just made out with a guy for $7.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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