Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
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I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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