wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize