I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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