I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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