ugly people sure do ruin things
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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