Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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