I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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