Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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