Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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