Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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