Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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