For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i think i just lost a toe
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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