If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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