So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She's the barista slut.
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Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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