Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
