I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize