I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
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there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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