Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize