Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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