I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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