i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize