3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
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I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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