I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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