i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize