So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
