why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
