Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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