Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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