Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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