she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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