You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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