I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize