My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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