i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize