Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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