i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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