I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize